Benn Gleck: The Calamari Are the End of the Rebellion

Senior Outer-Rim Analyst Benn Gleck explains why the Calamari Revolt will ultimately be the downfall of the Rebellion.

HNN Senior Outer Rim Analyst Benn Gleck writes an open letter to HNN readers/watchers/listeners. He explains why the revolt of the Mon Calamari tells us what we already knew.

Dear loyal citizens of the Empire,

The revolt of the Mon Calamari tells us all we need to know about the Rebellion and the rest of the Outer Rim.

With that source of lies and spin - Alliance "Free" News - reporting that the Rebellion will support the Calamarians' quixotic quest for autonomy, we see that they will always put the needs of aliens before the needs of humans.

But that's good news too, because it means that they will ultimately fail.

Sure, these Mon Calamari are cute with their decadent arts and bulbous protrusions on their ships, but these are distractions. The Empire, being pragmatic and not wasteful of its citizens' tax credits, knows that form must follow function, and not be splurged on pretty shapes.

But that's not all.

The other benefit is that while some of the Rebellion is human, it's slavishly beholden to the alien interests that used to plague the Republic. Because they're always trying to be 'inclusive' of the aliens, at some point they also like to have those aliens make decisions. That's going to be their downfall.

Humans are the dominant species of the galaxy - always were; always will be. Whenever you have a situation, like under the diminishing days of the Republic when aliens grew too big for their britches, you will see resources moving from hard-working humans to artsy-fartsy lazy aliens. That's not sustainable, and it will ultimately fail the way that civilization has always had a hard time in the Outer Rim.

And in a situation when you're facing the might of the Imperial Navy, Army, and Stormtrooper Corps, you don't have the luxury to embrace the artsy-fartsy ways that these Calamarians just can't live without.

Emperor Palpatine Orders Calamari Insurrection Suppressed

Admiral Ren Darvox, commanding the Suppression of Calamari Campaign

IMPERIAL CENTER (CORUSCANT) - In response to the temerity of the Mon Calamari and the Quarren species to declare their treason against the Empire, Emperor Palpatine has ordered Admiral Ren Darvox of the Pakuuni sector to ensure that Imperial authority remains complete throughout those territories in and surrounding the Calamari sector.

Last week, the Mon Calamari and Quarren species of the Dac system made their treason against the Empire explicit with a so-called declaration of independence from the legitimate authority of the Empire.

According the the Imperial order, the denizens of the Dac system are commanded to submit to Imperial authority at once in order to gain the maximum allowable clemency from His Imperial Majesty, Emperor Palpatine. The Calamari and Quarren have declared independence, but are suspected to be in league with the Rebellion.

According to Grand Moff Ardus Kaine of Oversector Outer, "should collusion between these sea-dwelling species and the Rebellion prove to be true, then the Imperial judgement is expected to be capital rather than relatively indulgent."

Admiral Darvox is executive fleet admiral of the Pakuuni Sector Group and has been commissioned with authority over the sector fleets formerly comprising the Maldrood Oversector during the Clone War. Darvox will be directly answerable to Grand Moff Kaine.

Strategic analysts expect the first encounters to occur in the Pakuuni and Caluula systems. These systems represent choke nodes in the galactic hyperroute network. Holding these two systems prevents commercial traffic to and from the Calamari sector.

The Calamari insurrection comes not long after Captain-of-the-Line Charis Naboobo defeated the Rebel warlord Lyraeus in the nearby Colundra sector. Captain Naboobo was elevated in rank to Commodore and is expected to contribute to the suppression of the Calamari.

Imperial Navy Aviators Thwart Rebel Privateer Attempt at Mass Destruction Terrorism

Y-wing fighter/bomber craft with Rebel 'Gold Squadron' colors of the sort sighted accompanying WMD-loaded droid vessels

ORVAX SYSTEM - TIE Fighter and Bomber formations prevented a terrorist attack by rebel and syndicate forces today. Droid-operated vessels loaded with weapons of mass destruction were intercepted and destroyed.

Two droid-operated spacecraft loaded with proton bombs were intercepted and destroyed in the Orvax system yesterday. While notorious for working commissions for Outer Rim criminal syndicates, these droid vessels were accompanied and directed by a Y-Wing fighter-bomber flying Rebel 'Gold Squadron' colors.

Analysts suggest that this change in tactics from conventional terrorist attacks to mass destruction terrorist attacks represents a strategic shift from attempting to overthrow the legitimate government of the galaxy to one aimed at complete nihilism on the part of the Rebellion.

While the Imperial Navy continues to mop up remaining rebel and syndicate forces in the aftermath of the Arkanis suppression the criminal and rebel elements, these have clearly become more desperate. A shift from attempts to subvert the legal Imperial order towards nihilistic terrorism demonstrates that the final end of the Rebellion is at hand. Soon, even the benighted aliens of the Outer Rim will see the Rebellion for what it is and embrace the rule of the Empire as their last best hope for peace and security.

Mon Calamari Declare Treason Against Empire

A Mon Calamari, one of the traitorous species declaring separatism against the Empire

DAC SYSTEM - In a shocking upset, the Mon Calamari government in the Dac (also called Mon Cala) system declared its thankless revolt against the Empire today.

After decades of civilizing this brutish aquatic people, the Empire is betrayed by the Mon Calamari in this ingrate - and ultimately futile - gesture. The Mon Calamari is expected to be back under Imperial control and administration within two months, as the Imperial Navy reassigns fleets to retake Mon Cala.

While some cite the Mon Calamari shipyards as being capable of providing for its own self-defense, a spokesperson for the Imperial Navy justifiably scoffed: "Mon Calamari star cruisers are nothing more than decadent pleasure cruisers. They cannot stand toe to toe with the star destroyers of the Imperial Navy."

While some suspect that a declaration of alliance with the Rebellion is imminent, the Mon Calamari have not yet declared their involvement with the Rebel Alliance. Strategic analysts believe that the choice between simple separatism and embracing the terrorist Rebellion can have profound consequences for Dac and the Mon Calamari people.

"It might mean the difference between simple re-subjection and justifiable eradication," one strategic analyst, choosing to remain off the record, told HNN.

Dac, the homeworld of the ingrate Mon Calamari species

Justifiable eradication is a phrase used for the removal of a species so depraved as to not be capable of rehabilitation for civilized galactic society.

"It's something the Quarren should keep in mind, if they follow the Mon Calamari's lead in this mistake," the analyst explained, referring planet's other dominant species.

Recently, HNN senior Outer Rim Analyst Benn Gleck named Mon Cala the worst planet in the galaxy. Today, the Mon Calamari proved Gleck's assessment as prophetic.

The Mon Calamari revolt demonstrates that the development assistance selflessly handed out by the Empire is not ultimately enough to sate these thankless aliens of the Outer Rim.

Empire Drives Off Rebel Warlord in Colundra Sector

Imperial skirmish lines competing for the primary right to rout the Rebellion from the Colundra sector

QUERMIA SYSTEM - In a number of fleet engagements, different units of the Imperial Navy routed the dastardly Rebellion in the out-lying Colundra sector of the Outer Rim. Different Imperial commanders were so eager to come to grips with those who seek to undermine galactic stability, that they came to blows for the honor and the Emperor's favor.

Following what is rumored to be the Emperor's direction, Grand Moff Kaine of Oversector Outer ordered the Colundra sector purged of Rebel activity. The directive promised an instant promotion for the captain of the line (the standard rank of line commanders) to be most effective in doing so. Multiple line commanders took heed of the opportunity to drive the rebels from this small corner of the Outer Rim.

The efforts to rid the Colundra sector of rebel activity began when a line of three Gladiator-class star destroyers detected a rebel presence in an asteroid field in the Kashoon system. The Gladiator line gave pursuit, but the Rebels made the jump to hyperspace before they were destroyed. Following the incident, the commander in charge of the line commed the sighting into the Sector Group headquarters.

Analysts at the Sector Group headquarters determined from transponder records that the rebel ships belonged to none other than the infamous warlord Lyraeus. Once this was determined, the sector Moff ordered all lines to search for and destroy the warlord's forces. Following the Emperor and Grand Moff's directive, the Moff declared that any captain of the line to successfully drive Lyraeus from the Colundra sector would be given an instant promotion to commodore.

Following the Moff's challenge, the line commanders of the Colundra sector - eager to prove their value to Moff, Grand Moff, and Emperor - competed vigorously to track down and destroy the Rebel warlord. In so doing, their eagerness turned to internecine hostilities. While tragic for the crewers lost in the process of such hostilities, their losses are deemed acceptable in the vigorous pursuit of the rebel insurgency.

After the first sighting of Lyraeus' forces, another Imperial line, led by two Victory-class star destroyers, encountered his terrorist band in the Kruskan system. Regrettably, by occupying a certain strategic position, the rebels were able to hold off an Imperial attack. When a second line of Gladiator-class star destroyers encountered Lyraeus' forces in another asteroid field, however, the Gladiator line was able to chase off the rebel permanently.

HNN is following up with the Colundra Sector Group to learn the precise identity of the Imperial hero who successfully drove off Lyraeus, receiving the promotion.

Unconfirmed reports suggest that the warlord Lyraeus is considering leaving the rebellion, in return for a command within the Imperial Navy, stating that his in-depth knowledge of the Rebellion and their depredations would be a valuable asset to the Empire. Loyal subjects of the Emperor are aghast at the suggestion that such a being - doubtlessly some alien from the Outer Rim - would be embraced in such a way.

HNN Awarded Excellence in Journalism Award

Recognition awarded to the HoloNet News Network: The Most Loyal Name in News

IMPERIAL CENTER (CORUSCANT) - The Coruscant Press Club awarded HNN with the 'Excellence in Journalism' award today, citing 'loyalty', 'determination', and its 'tireless devotion to galactic stability' as HNN's primary virtues.

The prestigious Coruscant Press Club, a body made up of officials directly appointed by the Emperor Himself, declared the HoloNet News Network as the winner of this year's Excellence in Journalism Award.

The Press Club supported its award with references to HNN's never-wavering loyalty to the Emperor. With the ignominious rise of the Rebellion and the criminal syndicates of the Outer Rim, such a virtue is considered to be second to none in these troubled times.

Other reasons included its 'determination' and 'tirelessness' in assuring that its readers were kept both informed and comforted that the Empire would always and ultimately protect galactic civilization from those - usually alien - elements that seek to undermine the progress and prosperity provided by the New Order.

HNN editor-in-chief Mikael Hasselstein was humbled by the Press Club's recognition:

"I won't say that the achievement necessary for winning this award was easy. It'd be easier if we could just make stuff up, but with HNN's dedication to the consistent search for portraying the Truth, it remains a tough - but ultimately rewarding - job."

"I'm also very humbled and honored that HNN is able to report on this important story - one that other news outlets are going to pass over. Sour grapes is an ugly thing, but it's just part of this business. It's nothing compared to the hardships suffered by the the troops, crewers, pilots, and officers out there on the Outer Rim risking their lives every day for Emperor and Empire."

"They - and the Emperor, of course - are my real inspiration for doing what I do."

Straight Outta The Empire