Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Benn Gleck Names Mon Cala Worst Planet in the Galaxy

A decadent city on the Mon Calamari homeworld

IMPERIAL CENTER (CORUSCANT) - In commentary, HNN Outer Rim special analyst Benn Gleck names the Mon Calamari homeworld as the worst planet in the galaxy, topping a list including Nal Hutta, Kashyyyk, and Corellia.

"Avoid Mon Cala like the Loedorvian Brainrot Plague," Benn Gleck told HNN last week, referring to Dac, the Mon Calamari and Quarren homeworld in the far Outer Rim of The Slice.

Reasons given were the planet's alien dominance, its high arts, and the symbiotic relationship between the Mon Calamari and the Quarren.

"With human galactic civilization having given this world everything - and I mean everything - from speech, to technology, to civilization itself, you'd think that they would at least be grateful and not so uppity towards Imperial administrators," Gleck said.

HNN Contributor Benn Gleck

"And then they want to make everything artsy-fartsy," Gleck added, "you can't walk three steps without them presenting you with some hip new type of living fish they want you to shove into your mouth. And then they make their ships all beautified, as if they think they're better than you."

Referring to the symbiotic relationship, "what really burns me is how they live together with the Quarren. What's clear to me is how both are species that are just made for manual labor, yet they're all froo-froo with one another, while rejecting humans. How can they pretend to be all nice with one another, while rejecting human administration? Speciesism! That's what I call it."

Beyond these core reasons, Gleck had other arguments for his placing of Mon Cala as the top planet to avoid like the Loedorvian Brainrot Plague:

Benn Gleck's list of planets to avoid like the Loedor- vian Brainrot Plague:
  1. Mon Calamari
  2. Nal Hutta
  3. Kashyyyk
  4. Corellia
  5. Neimoidia
  6. Ord Mantell
  7. Rodia
  8. Duro
  9. Ryloth
  10. Hapes

"Also, this place can't even settle on a name. Is it 'Mon Cala', 'Dac', or 'Calamari'; I'd wish those aliens would just... No, I think they should call themselves whatever the Emperor wants to call them."

Benn Gleck said that Mon Cala replaced Alderaan as worst place in the galaxy following the latter's destruction. Despite Alderaan being a human world, Gleck said that the only thing he dislikes more than uppity aliens is traitors.

"Sullust, for example," Gleck told HNN referring to the home of SoroSuub Corporation, "while it's all infested with these mousy little things, at least they know their place and they make things we find useful."

Other worlds on Gleck's top 10 planets to avoid like the plague included Nal Hutta for its permissiveness of the most decadent alien pleasures, Kashyyyk because of its strong-willed denizens and carnivorous fleas, and Corellia for its near-traitorous streak of independent mindedness.


  1. My name is Ceresi Faran and I ask that you please take a few minutes of your time to hear what I have to say, for you will only find truth in my words, a truth the Empire doesn't want you to hear.

    Ah another Benn Gleck article. Well, I must say this one intrigues me, but not for the right reason. As one of the many voices of the Rebel Alliance I will attempt to show you readers why this is so wrong.

    (Keep in mind that the failures of Benn Gleck are not HNN's fault, it's the Empire's, as always. HNN merely reports whilst the Empire bends things and people to do things that should never happen.)

    Benn Gleck supposedly said something along these lines, "Reasons given were the planet's alien dominance, its high arts, and the symbiotic relationship between the Mon Calamari and the Quarren."

    1. Benn Gleck later says the inhabitants exhibit a high level of speciesism. Well isn't saying a planet has more aliens than humans considered speciesism?
    2. Has the Empire stooped so low as to say that high arts are bad thing? What kind of thinking would say that that is bad?
    3. Why is the fact that the Mon Calamari and the Quarren live in peace considered to be a reason not to go there? I don't know about you Benn, but I, along with most of the galaxy, would much rather go to visit a planet that is not at war than one that is.

    When you really think about it, are the rumors that the Empire pays off Ben Gleck to say things like this seem so far off?

    Ceresi Faran

    P.S. I noticed how you attempted to find me after my escape from Delle. Well, here's a hint, I am leaving Arcan IV now. I may or may not have docked with a fellow GR-75 transport somewhere along the way. Rebel Code: 6843-9261

  2. You say you speak truth when really all you say are lies Ceresi Faran. I have personally spoken with Benn myself and he is a great man. He would never tell a lie or allow himself to be paid off to say something like you suggest. You look through his past speakings and you will find the same thing I have, a proud and strong man who is dedicated to serving the people in all ways shapes or forms.

    Remember how you said we have traitors in our ranks? Well I’ll be happy to inform you that you do as well, and as a part of the Imperial Special Forces I have been tasked with hunting you down. What code did you say, was it 6843-9261? Be sure to enjoy your last days as a free man for I am coming for you and you will pay for your atrocities against the Empire in (as previously stated by HHN) the Spices Mines of Kessel.

    Long Live the Empire!