COMPNOR: There Are No Rebels at Dellalt

COMPNOR spokesman Prop Agandist assuring loyal Imperial citizens

CORUSCANT (IMPERIAL CENTER) - in a press conference, COMPNOR spokesman Prop Agandist reassured loyal citizens that the battle at Dellalt was won, and that the police actions against the Rebellion are proving to be successful.

In response to vile rumors and baseless hearsay, Mr. Prop Agandist of the Commission for the Preservation of the New Order (COMPNOR) brought comforting words to the Empire's loyal subjects.

The falsehoods in question are spread by a little-noticed outlet on the subspace communications network called 'Alliance "Free" News' (A"F"N), which perpetuates false rumors and terrorist propaganda. Contrary to the manifest reality of the situation, A"F"N purports that the Imperial Navy's police action in the Dellalt System last week was a victory for the Rebellion.

"All lies," Mr. Agandist said.

"There are no rebels at Dellalt."

The action against the Rebellion at Dellalt was part of the Calamari campaign to bring the denizens of the Dac system on the Outer Rim back into the fold of galactic civilization. The two species of that system, the Mon Calamari and the Quarren, have fallen victim to the Rebellion and are presently being forced to supply the terrorist movement with combat-capable starships.

These starships have already been sighted on the front lines. Fortunately, these refitted luxury liners - designed to lay aliens in the lap of voluptuous comfort - are not considered a match against the effective war vessels of the Imperial Navy.

Meanwhile, A"F"N has become the laughingstock of the galactic newsnets. As a channel operating on subspace, it responds to events over a week ago, neglecting the subsequent crushing defeat of the Rebellion in the Turkana system, which brings the Empire much closer to reasserting peace and stability back to the Calamari sector.

Rebel Activity in Caluula Sector Detected: Imperial Navy Closing Breach in Blockade

Blue Majesty, flagship of the rebel warlord Lyraeus, sighted in the Caluula system

CALUULA SYSTEM - Imperial vessels have detected Rebel activity in the Caluula system. Sector and regional forces have been put on alert to close the hyperroute resupplying the wayward Calamari sector.

Imperial Navy vessels encountered rebel trafficking of illicit goods in the Caluula system several days ago. A Rebel line of two assault frigates escorted by several fighter squadrons was detected making use of an outlying space station in the system. The space station was doubtlessly a transfer point for moving spice, weapons, and alien smut through the last remaining hole in the Imperial blockade of the Calamari sector.

After an exchange of fire, and the rapid retreat of one of the assault frigates, the Imperial Recon Line, consisting of three Gladiator-class star destroyers, was able to return to the fleet to report on the sighting. Imperial Navy Attack Lines have been dispatched to hunt and interdict the rebel forces, closing any further trafficking with the Calamari homeworld.

"This was a clear victory for the forces of peace and stability," Admiral Ren Darvox told HNN. "Now that we know their trafficking vector, we can shut it down and gain full control over the Caluula system.

Admiral Darvox is commissioned with the command of the Suppression of Calamari Campaign, aiming to return the Calamari Sector to legitimate Imperial control.

The Rebel vessels in question are believed to be operating under the direction of the Rebel warlord Lyraeus. Lyraeus was recently ignominiously driven from the neighboring Pakuuni system, but appears to have reared his head in the Caluula system.

With the Pakuuni system under secure Imperial control, the Imperial Navy moves to shut down illicit traffic through the Caluula system. With Imperial control over these two bottlenecks in the galactic hyperroute system nearly complete, the embargo over the Calamari sector will move to the following phase - a continuous move towards the Dac system and the re-establishment of legitimate authority in the Calamari sector.

Meanwhile, the Rebel propaganda source, Alliance "Free" "News" ludicrously reports this as a victory for the Rebellion, demonstrating the overwhelming biased and skewed reporting done by the Rebellion's mouthpiece.

Benn Gleck: The Calamari Are the End of the Rebellion

Senior Outer-Rim Analyst Benn Gleck explains why the Calamari Revolt will ultimately be the downfall of the Rebellion.

HNN Senior Outer Rim Analyst Benn Gleck writes an open letter to HNN readers/watchers/listeners. He explains why the revolt of the Mon Calamari tells us what we already knew.

Dear loyal citizens of the Empire,

The revolt of the Mon Calamari tells us all we need to know about the Rebellion and the rest of the Outer Rim.

With that source of lies and spin - Alliance "Free" News - reporting that the Rebellion will support the Calamarians' quixotic quest for autonomy, we see that they will always put the needs of aliens before the needs of humans.

But that's good news too, because it means that they will ultimately fail.

Sure, these Mon Calamari are cute with their decadent arts and bulbous protrusions on their ships, but these are distractions. The Empire, being pragmatic and not wasteful of its citizens' tax credits, knows that form must follow function, and not be splurged on pretty shapes.

But that's not all.

The other benefit is that while some of the Rebellion is human, it's slavishly beholden to the alien interests that used to plague the Republic. Because they're always trying to be 'inclusive' of the aliens, at some point they also like to have those aliens make decisions. That's going to be their downfall.

Humans are the dominant species of the galaxy - always were; always will be. Whenever you have a situation, like under the diminishing days of the Republic when aliens grew too big for their britches, you will see resources moving from hard-working humans to artsy-fartsy lazy aliens. That's not sustainable, and it will ultimately fail the way that civilization has always had a hard time in the Outer Rim.

And in a situation when you're facing the might of the Imperial Navy, Army, and Stormtrooper Corps, you don't have the luxury to embrace the artsy-fartsy ways that these Calamarians just can't live without.

Lord Vader Popular Among Imperial Youth

Skinprints of Lord Vader on loyal Imperial youths; all the rage.

IMPERIAL CENTER (CORUSCANT) - Demonstrating the continuing popularity of the Empire, and the Imperial form of governance, the visage of Lord Darth Vader appears proudly on the skins of many loyal Imperial youth. The fashion statement is seen as a rejection of the Rebellion, and its separatist value system.

Lord Vader's image is seen as the Empire's most powerful symbol for its stalwart defense against the separatism, anarchy and nihilism promised by the Rebel Alliance. As the Emperor's right-hand man in the fight against the Rebellion, Lord Vader embodies the true spirit of the Empire (aside from the Emperor himself, of course).

Vader, a disabled Clone War veteran, continues to serve as the supreme commander of the Emperor's forces, despite the injuries suffered during wartime. In that capacity, he has become a powerful symbol for tireless and stouthearted defense of galactic security and civilization.

The movement is doubtlessly a popular rejection of the Rebellion's recent attempt at character assassination on its propaganda arm, A"F"N. As the Empire's most prominent disabled war veteran, the Empire's loyal youth feel so personally outraged by A"F"N's defamatory statements, that they have emblazoned Lord Vader's visage on their own skin in a sign of solidarity with the Dark Lord.

Loyal youth attempts to lure romantic suitors on HoloComm social media by proudly portraying her devotion to Lord Vader

While the youth are frequently stereotyped as naturally rebellious, it is clear that the Empire has much to offer today's youth, explaining their support of Darth Vader.

"I'm so glad that Vader is out there to protect us from chaos and alien separatism," one youth told HNN, "that I just had to pay him tribute"

"He's such a father-figure to me," another young loyalist said, "I would like nothing more than to meet him one day and have him say something to me like 'I'm your father'."

"That would, like, make my galaxy spin!" the youth added.

A"F"N Slimes Disabled Veterans

Lord Darth Vader, disabled Clone War Veteran, maligned by A"F"N.

IMPERIAL CENTER (CORUSCANT) - The rebel propaganda machine known as 'Alliance "Free" News' (A"F"N) maligned Lord Darth Vader and even the Emperor yesterday. By attacking these tireless civil servants who put their lives, bodies, and sacred honor on the line in the service of galactic stability, is there any depth to which the rebellion will not sink?

In their apology for the fanatical warrior cult that nearly overthrew the legitimate galactic government in an assassination attempt on the popularly elected Chancellor of the Republic, A"F"N attempted to equate Lord Darth Vader and Emperor Sheev Palpatine with the defunct Jedi order.

The quote in question:

Now it has come to our attention that the "Emperor" and Darth Vader also believe in the religious beliefs of the Jedi but on a dark and sadistic scale. They are know [sic] to revel in the pain and anguish of those around them and are delighted by causing the death and destruction of those around them. Alas, this is not the wish of AFN to think that is acceptable and thus we fight in are own ways. Using the light of the Jedi Order who helped make the Galactic Republic a safer place to live than the Galactic Empire is today.

"The hypocrisy and outrage of this statement is unfathomable," Mr. Prop Agandist, spokesman for the Commission for the Preservation of the New Order (COMPNOR) told HNN.

"The Emperor and Lord Vader, with the assistance of what became the Stormtrooper Corps, prevented a coup d'état by this Jedi cult. They both suffered the pain and anguish that A"F"N so flippantly speaks about - at the hands of these very Jedi that A"F"N is defending. They were bodily disabled in the service of the galaxy and a legitimate order, and A"F"N has the audacity to call their honor into question? I would be speechless if I wasn't so outraged!"

Gen. CC-5863 (ret.), spokesman for Veterans of Clone Wars and V.A.D.E.R.

Speaking on behalf of Veterans of Clone Wars, CC-5863, a retired Stormtrooper Corps officer, said: "It's a sad day when people try to score political points sliming disabled veterans."

Veterans of Clone Wars is a support group and veterans-rights organization. General CC-5863, a retired Stormtrooper Corps officer served during many of the Clone Wars' most heated battles, such as on Christophsis and Felucia, as well as during the Battle for Coruscant.

"I served with Lord Vader," CC-5863 said, "and I know of nobody more courageous, dedicated, and tireless than him, except for the Emperor. For this A"F"N to call his honor and dignity into question, not to mention to question his inner beliefs is absolutely disgusting."

"In order to combat this type of slander, we're creating a new organization to counter this sort of stomach-turning libel. We're calling it 'Veterans Against Dishonoring Embattled Retirees' or V.A.D.E.R, in honor of Lord Vader, our hero and greatest example."

Rebellion Propaganda Outlet Tied to Fanatical Cult

The logo of the HoloNet slicer band, profiling itself as 'Alliance "Free" News', shows the symbol of the fanatical cult that used to subvert the republican government of the galaxy with mind control and other subterfuge.

IMPERIAL CENTER (CORUSCANT) - Analysts of the Commission for the Preservation of the New Order (COMPNOR) have identified the symbolism used by the 'Alliance "Free" News' as belonging to the fanatical cult that undermined the Galactic Republic. These analysts infer that the same fanatical cult may be behind the Rebellion just as they were behind the Separatists.

The logo of the so-called 'Alliance "Free" News' (A"F"N) (pictured left) contains the emblem of the disbanded Jedi Order, a fanatical religious cult which used to engage in behind-the-scenes subterfuge and mind control in order to maintain covert power over the Republic.

The Jedi cult once usurped military control over Republic forces, but nevertheless secretly aided the separatist cause by mismanaging the war while one of their own, Count Dooku of Serenno, led the Separatist forces. When then-Chancellor Sheev Palpatine would not submit to their increased demands for authority, members of the Jedi Order attacked the soon-to-be Emperor in an attempted coup d'état against the legitimately elected order of the Republic. Their betrayal forced Palpatine to declare a creation of the Empire and the disbanding of the Jedi order.

With the brandishing of the emblem of the Jedi cult, the Rebellion, also known as the "Alliance to Restore the Republic" signals the sort of regime they are seeking to "restore": one in which members of a shadowy cult direct matters from behind the scenes, using a form of hypnosis to manipulate galactic governance.

Rebellion Infects HoloNet, Rejoicing in Mayhem and Vulgarity

Logo of the HoloNet slicer band profiling itself as "Alliance Free News", spreading misinformation and jaded supposition

IMPERIAL CENTER (CORUSCANT) - The Rebellion infested the HoloNet yesterday, impersonating galactic newsnet calling itself 'Alliance Free News'. The Imperial Security Bureau (ISB) is working diligently to locate the offending slicers and help them get the treatment they deserve.

While the Empire has attempted to keep such uncouth material off the HoloNet, it is the unfortunate nature of that network that it is vulnerable to slicers with criminal and insurrectionist intent. In the interest of not infecting the young and the impressionable with ideas that might lead them towards lives of insurrection and terrorism, the Commission for the Preservation of the New Order (COMPNOR) regulates the HoloNet for content.

COMPNOR spokesman Agandist.

"We regulate the HoloNet in order to allow for the free exchange of loyal ideas," COMPNOR spokesman Prop Agandist told HNN. "Newsnets - like your own HNN - allow for multiple points of view that enhance galactic exchange of information and opinions, while still filtering out misinformation and vulgarity that do not serve progressive galactic social goals."

Mr. Agandist referred to examples found on the 'Alliance Free News', such as the rebel rejoicing in the killing of nearly 8,000 passengers and crew in the destruction of the Victory-class star destroyer Indefatigable in a rebel ambush in the Woostri system. Also the use of vulgar terms like "s**h spawn" on an open channel frequently watched and read by children.

"Think of the children, and the families of those killed aboard the Indefatigable,' Mr. Agandist said. "Not only did these people have to learn of the murder of their loved ones aboard the star destroyer, they had to learn about it alongside the vulgar jeering of these terrorist rebels. The barbarity of the Rebel Alliance clearly outstrips that of the Separatists that preceded them. At least those droids were just operating according to a program. These rebels get emotional gratification out of the mayhem and murder they spread."

"It's just unconscionable," Mr. Agandist added.

While adults are cautioned for consuming this content, and the ISB will track your links to this source of vulgarity and insurrection, HNN makes the link to this vile newsnet available to responsible and loyal citizens here: Alliance Free News.

Viewer discretion is advised.