IMPERIAL CENTER (CORUSCANT) - The rebel propaganda machine known as 'Alliance "Free" News' (A"F"N) maligned Lord Darth Vader and even the Emperor yesterday. By attacking these tireless civil servants who put their lives, bodies, and sacred honor on the line in the service of galactic stability, is there any depth to which the rebellion will not sink?
In their apology for the fanatical warrior cult that nearly overthrew the legitimate galactic government in an assassination attempt on the popularly elected Chancellor of the Republic, A"F"N attempted to equate Lord Darth Vader and Emperor Sheev Palpatine with the defunct Jedi order.
The quote in question:
Now it has come to our attention that the "Emperor" and Darth Vader also believe in the religious beliefs of the Jedi but on a dark and sadistic scale. They are know [sic] to revel in the pain and anguish of those around them and are delighted by causing the death and destruction of those around them. Alas, this is not the wish of AFN to think that is acceptable and thus we fight in are own ways. Using the light of the Jedi Order who helped make the Galactic Republic a safer place to live than the Galactic Empire is today.
"The hypocrisy and outrage of this statement is unfathomable," Mr. Prop Agandist, spokesman for the Commission for the Preservation of the New Order (COMPNOR) told HNN.
"The Emperor and Lord Vader, with the assistance of what became the Stormtrooper Corps, prevented a coup d'état by this Jedi cult. They both suffered the pain and anguish that A"F"N so flippantly speaks about - at the hands of these very Jedi that A"F"N is defending. They were bodily disabled in the service of the galaxy and a legitimate order, and A"F"N has the audacity to call their honor into question? I would be speechless if I wasn't so outraged!"
Speaking on behalf of Veterans of Clone Wars, CC-5863, a retired Stormtrooper Corps officer, said: "It's a sad day when people try to score political points sliming disabled veterans."
Veterans of Clone Wars is a support group and veterans-rights organization. General CC-5863, a retired Stormtrooper Corps officer served during many of the Clone Wars' most heated battles, such as on Christophsis and Felucia, as well as during the Battle for Coruscant.
"I served with Lord Vader," CC-5863 said, "and I know of nobody more courageous, dedicated, and tireless than him, except for the Emperor. For this A"F"N to call his honor and dignity into question, not to mention to question his inner beliefs is absolutely disgusting."
"In order to combat this type of slander, we're creating a new organization to counter this sort of stomach-turning libel. We're calling it 'Veterans Against Dishonoring Embattled Retirees' or V.A.D.E.R, in honor of Lord Vader, our hero and greatest example."