ISSOR SYSTEM – HNN brings you hard-hitting news and reporting, for all the information you need to have to be optimally loyal to the Empire. Other news outlet attempt to make you feel guilty about being a loyal human subject of the Emperor with soft alien-interest pieces that appeal to your heartstrings, rather than your patriotism.
In order to do both, we bring you a true human-interest story: the story of our troopers on the front lines of the Arkanis sector.
Trooper JK-321 is tasked with keeping the piece on the central transit network in Issor's capital city. Issor is the industrial heart of the Arkanis system, despite being home to a number of indigenous alien species. With the Empire being invited to occupy the planet in order to secure it from the ravages of Outer-Rim criminal elements, it falls to the Stormtrooper Corps to reinstate law and security to the city's denizens.
"It's not the worst tour I've had," Trooper JK-321 tells HNN reporter Mack Ruker. "Sure, you have to deal with aliens all day, and that's not exactly a treat, but we're not getting shot at."
These troopers take their extreme hardships in stride and know that they are the only thing that stands between civilization and galactic chaos.
"Sometimes you have to deal with some who have not paid their transit fare, and that can get ugly," JK-321 continues his tale of with humble pride. "Then you have to urge them out of the maglev car and make 'em pay a fine; sometimes even take 'em down to the detention center."
"That's a bit tedious, and the detention center is no joy to go to," the trooper informs us. "They're all in there, and while aliens don't need as much space in the cells as humans do, they do tend to start to smell after a few days."
"I'm glad I don't have to work detention; I got enough on my plate walking them down there. Having to carry them out again would just be a bloodfly in my armor, if you know what I'm saying. So, thank the Emperor for the blessings I do have."
The loyalty and patriotism of the stormtroopers on the front lines are a true inspiration to citizens from all over the Core Worlds. Not only do they secure us, as well as the inhabitants of these benighted place, but they also teach the locals proper manners.
"Hey, don't speak whatever you're speaking," the trooper tells an Ithorian occupant of the maglev train, "speak basic, when I'm talking to you!"
"Got it basic - B-A-S-I-C!"
When the Ithorian refuses to speak proper to the trooper, despite having mouths on both sides of his neck, the trooper has no choice but to take him down to the detention. The Ithorian struggles with the trooper as the trooper attempts to help the malcontent alien to his feet.
What happens afterwards remains contested between the stormtroopers protecting the maglev and the aliens who use it to commute from their homes to the unemployment offices. Because the troopers clearly have more honor the record shows their testimony that the Ithorian seemed to be under the influence of spice and did not realize that the maglev was still in motion when he overrode the train doors and exited the compartment.
Fortunately, the alien commuters who raised their voices have since found gainful employment in the Kessel system, and are no longer a burden to the administrators of Issor's capital city.
But the day was far from over for our heroic Trooper, JK-321, who had to detain other natives to dispose of the Ithorian remains.
The job is tough out here on the Outer Rim - in the systems being occupied by the Imperial Stormtrooper Corps for their own protection from rebellion and lawlessness. We, at HNN, have the great privilege to bring you the stories of their struggles on all of our behalves.