Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Emperor Palpatine: Still Hands-On; Still Common Touch

Emperor Palpatine posing in front of the old senate building with Lord Darth Vader and Stormtrooper IC-4365

IMPERIAL CENTER (CORUSCANT) - Emperor Palpatine, despite more than two decades of dedicated service to the galaxy, still maintains a hand-on approach as well as a common touch with the troops.

Today Emperor Palpatine, the benevolent ruler of the galaxy, reasserted his commitment to not lose touch with the troops on the ground or the TIE pilots serving the galaxy in the space lanes. Posing with common stormtrooper IC-4365 as well as Lord Darth Vader, his right-hand black eminence, His Majesty addressed the press gathered for a press conference on the steps of the disused senate building.

"As Emperor, I know that it's hard out there on the front lines. I am committed to never losing touch with the common trooper who serves in the trenches, the naval gunner who fires turbolasers for galactic peace and stability, or the TIE pilot who keeps open the spacelanes of commerce while also keeping spice off our streets."

The Emperor added that he, has "always tried to keep from becoming aloof the way that the senators of the Republic used to do."

"To that end, I vow that I will always be there in the trenches, by the turbolasers, and in the spacelanes, right alongside the common troops and pilots who do their part to keep us all safe."

During the question-and-answer session of the press conference, one uncouth "journalist" from a different galactic newsnet asked if the Emperor could really imagine the life of the common citizen of the Outer Rim. Clearly understanding that he had crossed the line, the journalist abruptly halted his own sentence and gasped for air.

"I found his lack of faith disturbing," Lord Vader commented after the press conference.

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